“eventually, everything goes away.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
So it has been said.
And with Loss you gain something in return. At least I did.
On July 11th my 88 year old mother left this earth. She was alone in a bed in the ER. The nurse told me that she has just left the room for a few moments and heard my mother scream "Help Me, Help Me" when she returned, my mother was gone.
It was hard for me to hear this while standing over my mothers lifeless body. But it was too late at that point. So all I could really do is ask if I could be alone with her for a few moments.
I pulled the white sheet back to reveal my mothers face. My husband was standing there with me and he told me I didn't have to look if I didn't want to.
But I wanted to.
I had some things to say and I wanted to look at her when I said them.
If there is one thing (and there are certainly more than one) that I learned from all of the time I have spent in my beloved India. It is this.
Death is not something to fear. You see it all around you in India and if you have ever been to Varanasi, you are even more aware of death and the fact that it is not to be feared.
Her eyes were half open. She had that "gaze" that people who have meditated for many years have.
You know the one if you have met or spent anytime around someone such as this.
I told her what I wished I would have told her while she was still breathing, still in her body, still here with me.
I told her that I hoped she wasn't too disappointed in me as a daughter.
I told her that I loved her, even though at times I felt she didn't love me.
I Thanked her for adopting me and giving me a good life, better than what could have been.
I told her that I knew she did the best she could as a mother and that I would always be grateful for everything she taught me.
Everyday since my mothers death I have felt more and more at Peace. My shoulder that has been having such severe pain for 2 full years, is now almost completely healed.
I realized that I had been carrying around this pain and in losing her, I have been able to heal.
There isn't anyone I know who hasn't had a childhood of some sort of pain involved.
But, I know it's how we come through that pain that makes us stronger.
Life is a series of lessons we are here to learn. Everyday I learn so much and everyday I feel a little bit stronger.
And a lot more Grateful.
You have to take the good with the bad...but if you can hold on for the ride you just may come out the other side Shining Brightly.
Your life is infinite. You are as old as these mountains and you will remain forever.- Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
So it has been said.
And with Loss you gain something in return. At least I did.
On July 11th my 88 year old mother left this earth. She was alone in a bed in the ER. The nurse told me that she has just left the room for a few moments and heard my mother scream "Help Me, Help Me" when she returned, my mother was gone.
It was hard for me to hear this while standing over my mothers lifeless body. But it was too late at that point. So all I could really do is ask if I could be alone with her for a few moments.
I pulled the white sheet back to reveal my mothers face. My husband was standing there with me and he told me I didn't have to look if I didn't want to.
But I wanted to.
I had some things to say and I wanted to look at her when I said them.
If there is one thing (and there are certainly more than one) that I learned from all of the time I have spent in my beloved India. It is this.
Death is not something to fear. You see it all around you in India and if you have ever been to Varanasi, you are even more aware of death and the fact that it is not to be feared.
Her eyes were half open. She had that "gaze" that people who have meditated for many years have.
You know the one if you have met or spent anytime around someone such as this.
I told her what I wished I would have told her while she was still breathing, still in her body, still here with me.
I told her that I hoped she wasn't too disappointed in me as a daughter.
I told her that I loved her, even though at times I felt she didn't love me.
I Thanked her for adopting me and giving me a good life, better than what could have been.
I told her that I knew she did the best she could as a mother and that I would always be grateful for everything she taught me.
Everyday since my mothers death I have felt more and more at Peace. My shoulder that has been having such severe pain for 2 full years, is now almost completely healed.
I realized that I had been carrying around this pain and in losing her, I have been able to heal.
There isn't anyone I know who hasn't had a childhood of some sort of pain involved.
But, I know it's how we come through that pain that makes us stronger.
Life is a series of lessons we are here to learn. Everyday I learn so much and everyday I feel a little bit stronger.
And a lot more Grateful.
You have to take the good with the bad...but if you can hold on for the ride you just may come out the other side Shining Brightly.
Your life is infinite. You are as old as these mountains and you will remain forever.- Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
4 comments:
I love you Tracy! This is beautiful!
I Love You too Jules~my longtime, lifelong frend~ xxx
This is beautiful, in so many ways!
Thank You Naomi. You inspired me to start up my writing again.
xx
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