Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Letting it Go

I was having a conversation today with someone I am very close to.

We were talking about the past and I was reminded of times long ago that I had completely forgotten about. Memories that I just would not have ever thought about if I had not been reminded.
I got to thinking about our conversation after I had hung up the phone.

What makes us remember certain things from our past and what makes us forget?
I honestly do not know the answer to this question.
If you do, Please clue me in.

What makes one person cling so tightly to memories that would better off forgotten...
when the pain they hold causes you so much pain to this day?

I don't know if it is something that "protects" you and you are Blessed because you don't remember..and you can live your life and move on.

Maybe this is all just too "deep" to even ever know the answer.
But I do know that some burdens are just too heavy to carry and ultimately we walk through life a little lighter without that burden on our shoulders.

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that that situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
~Steve Maraboli  Life, the Truth and Being Free

Saturday, July 28, 2012

What Heals

Yesterday as I was standing in my kitchen. I heard a car drive by and then a little voice yell out "Yes, she is"!!!!!

I stopped what I was doing and went and looked out, and driving up on he other side of the street was my oldest son and my two little grandchildren~~~

They couldn't get out of the car fast enough and they ran across the street with the BIGGEST smiles on there faces and my heart just burst out of my chest with happiness~

Sometimes the best medicine is just seeing the people who you Love so much it hurts!

We had the best visit, even though it was short. It is always so healing just holding a small child in your arms. It just "does the trick"!

Today I opened up my front door and I had so many packages on my front porch, it looked as though it was Christmas morning....
and among them was a package from Kaili and Marley and this is what was inside...
I have to tell you.
When I opened up the package and saw these inside I broke down. I just could not stop crying. You see, these past few weeks have taken a toll on me emotionally and just seeing this little Knight in Shining Armor and this little purple Care Bear...well, all I can say is "I needed these"!

Can I just say, children Heal a broken heart better than anything else on this planet.

Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.
~Gary Zukav

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Shine Bright

“eventually, everything goes away.”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

So it has been said.

And with Loss you gain something in return. At least I did.

On July 11th my 88 year old mother left this earth. She was alone in a bed in the ER. The nurse told me that she has just left the room for a few moments and heard my mother scream "Help Me, Help Me" when she returned, my mother was gone.

It was hard for me to hear this while standing over my mothers lifeless body. But it was too late at that point. So all I could really do is ask if I could be alone with her for a few moments.
I pulled the white sheet back to reveal my mothers face. My husband was standing there with me and he told me I didn't have to look if I didn't want to.
But I wanted to.
I had some things to say and I wanted to look at her when I said them.

If there is one thing (and there are certainly more than one) that I learned from all of the time I have spent in my beloved India. It is this.
Death is not something to fear. You see it all around you in India and if you have ever been to Varanasi, you are even more aware of death and the fact that it is not to be feared.

Her eyes were half open. She had that "gaze" that people who have meditated for many years have.
You know the one if you have met or spent anytime around someone such as this.
I told her what I wished I would have told her while she was still breathing, still in her body, still here with me.
I told her that I hoped she wasn't too disappointed in me as a daughter.
I told her that I loved her, even though at times I felt she didn't love me.
I Thanked her for adopting me and giving me a good life, better than what could have been.
I told her that I knew she did the best she could as a mother and that I would always be grateful for everything she taught me.

Everyday since my mothers death I have felt more and more at Peace. My shoulder that has been having such severe pain for 2 full years, is now almost completely healed.
I realized that I had been carrying around this pain and in losing her, I have been able to heal.

There isn't anyone I know who hasn't had a childhood of some sort of pain involved.
But, I know it's how we come through that pain that makes us stronger.
Life is a series of lessons we are here to learn. Everyday I learn so much and everyday I feel a little bit stronger.
And a lot more Grateful.
You have to take the good with the bad...but if you can hold on for the ride you just may come out the other side Shining Brightly.

Your life is infinite. You are as old as these mountains and you will remain forever.- Sri Sri Ravi Shankar